Wow...

I apologize for not updating this blog in a couple of weeks. I received all of your e-mails and no, I'm not in rehab or dead or homeless(Assholes).

I would love to tell you that I've been busy setting up free snow cone stands in Zimbabwe or some crazy shit like that, but the truth is.... I've been drunk.

Maybe not continuously drunk for the entire two weeks, but most afternoons and pretty much all day on Saturday's and Sunday's.


Now, I would like to post a blog point of my own:



I'm absolutely appalled by this video! I mean, HOLY SHIT!

This quote from Billy Madison accurately describes what I'm feeling right now:

"Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul".

While Stewart's off in V-Town saving the world, I'm stuck back here on the mainland in what can only be described as a bubbling cesspool of ignorance that grows larger with each new episode of "Wife Swap", "The Real World", "Big Brother 17" and "Laguna Beach" that hits the airways. (BTW, LC is so hot right now and I'm glad she finally broke up with Jason for good. He was trouble from the start and she deserves better. Now she will finally have an opportunity to pursue her dreams of being a fashion designer in LA.....You Go Girl!).

If the above video doesn't make you want to throw up a little bit, then I want you to stop reading this blog and go hit yourself in the head with something heavy. I honestly believe that there should be a constitutional amendment outlawing beauty pageants.

I'm going to go ahead and address the countless e-mails that I'm going to get from supporters of beauty pageants, telling me that they're good for girls because it promotes self-esteem, Blah, Blah, Blah...

Look at these girls. When have they ever had a self esteem problem? These are the hottest, most popular and probably wealthiest girls in their school. The same girls that used to get all creeped out when they would catch me staring at their boobs in the lunchroom.

Most of these girls have been pampered since they were toddlers. All these events do is encourage this ridiculous behavior well into adulthood. Seriously, there are women in this country who participate in these things for a living! Miss Teen USA, Miss USA, Miss Universe, Etc...

Now don't get me wrong, I am a southern gentleman through and through but I honestly think that I might have slapped this girl in the back of the head about half way into this if I was standing next to her. So, kudos to Mario Lopez for keeping his composure.

The worst part about this whole thing is SHE'S AN HONOR STUDENT AT HER HIGH SCHOOL IN LEXINGTON, SC WITH A 3.5 GPA!


So Stewart, if I had to give you a "State of The Union" right now, I would say you might start thinking about making V-Rock your permanent residence. After all, how many opportunities are you gonna get to be the tallest person in an entire town?

Straight to work...

Well, Stewart made it safely and it's no surprise that he went straight to work! I, on the other hand, was late to work this morning (seventh day in a row).

It's really exciting to read about all of the goals Stewart has set for the next year of his life. My goals for the next year include a ski trip to Canada and trying not to get fired. I've already paid for the ski trip, so I think I'm good on that one.

Like Stewart, I too attended a family celebration over the weekend. A good friend of mine was married Saturday in Birmingham. I almost missed the wedding because I arrived in town a little later than scheduled and the people I rode with didn't know exactly where the church was. We made it though, the wedding was beautiful and Leigh (my friend since 7th grade) looked amazing.



The reception was at a nice little place in the English Village. I can't remember the name of the establishment because I had too much to drink, but I do remember that it was adjacent to a fun little bar named Billy's (That's where we went to drink some more after the reception.).

Since this was a friend of mine from Gadsden (my home town), I had the opportunity to see a lot of people that I haven't seen in a long time. Most of these people were parents of my friends from high school. The conversations were pretty standard.

Parent: "Hey, Jason! It's so good to see you. Boy you've really grown up!" (Which is code for: "Wow you must have put on 25 pounds since the last time I saw you.")


Me: "Thanks, it's really good to see you too! It's been a long time... " (Which is code for: "yeah you've put some weight on too.")

(I Take a sip of beer)


Parent: "So, what are you doing these days?" (Which is code for: "Please tell me you're not still in college!")

Me: "I'm living in Atlanta, working as a Load Planner for Georgia-Pacific"

(I Take a sip of beer)


Parent: "Oh that's great! That's the railroad company, right?"

Me: "No, that's Union-Pacific."

(I Take a sip of beer)


Parent: "Oh that's right, Georgia-Pacific is the power company."

Me: "No, that's Georgia-Power."

(I Take a sip of beer)


Parent: "Well, that's great to hear! I'm so glad to hear that you're doing so well". ( This is code for: " You've drank an entire beer in this three minute conversation, I hope you don't get super drunk and cause a scene")

Me: "Thank you, it was great to see you! If you'll excuse me, I need to use the restroom" ( This is code for: " I just downed this entire beer and now I need another one.... Actually, I think I'm going to switch to liquor....")



Well, that's all for now. I've spent the first hour of my day blogging, so I better do some work if I want to meet that second goal of the year.....

Here we go...

Stewart is currently en route to South America where he will be for a year. A year that will be packed with exciting adventures, new people, kind acts and life changing experiences. This really makes me question my own career choices. (i.e. being in a cubicle on the 36th floor of an office building in downtown Atlanta.)

You see, like Stewart, I'm extremely intelligent. In fact, if the truth be told, way more intelligent than Stewart. However, my college years were spent in a haze of late nights, illegal gambling, missed opportunities, alcohol induced shenanigans and dangerous tango's with various other substances (both legal and not so legal).

While my years since graduation have produced a much more responsible & compassionate member of society, the product of my misspent youth has led me down a path of mediocrity. While I've always been perfectly content with mediocrity, it's times like these that bring up the question "Just how fulfilling could my life be if I truly applied myself?"

So Stewart, on top of being well on your way to becoming an amazing doctor, philanthropist and world traveler: add to this list "An inspiration to everyone who knows you". (Also an inspiration to people who are smarter than you but didn't realy apply themselves in college.)

Safe travels my friend...