As you can see, I haven't been keeping pace with Stewart, and I've been catching a lot of flack because of it. So here's the reasons why:
The first reason is that Stewart blogs about three times a day now and I just can't keep up. The second reason is that I've had a few issues in my personal life that have been demanding a lot of my time and attention.
I realize that most people have had to deal with divorce in some facet of their lives (be it personally, your parents, your friends' parents, Aunts, Uncles, Co-Workers, etc.), and up until this point I was no different. My biological parents have been divorced for twenty seven years. But, for a long time I've enjoyed the luxury of having been only one year old at the time of their divorce and I have no memory of my parents ever being married. That, coupled with the fact that both of my parents were re-married by the time I was five (to other people), meant that for most of my life I simply had two sets of parents.
My parents have lived less than five miles from each other for as long as I can remember and growing up I came and went as I pleased from both homes. Both of my parents are what I would consider "Upper-Middle Class", so it wasn't like I ever went without, emotionaly or financially. In fact, I probably had it better than most kids (two birthday parties, two Christmas', two summer vacations, FOUR sets of Grandparents to spoil me, etc.).
Well my luck has finally run out. My Father is currently going through a divorce from his second wife and it isn't pretty. Don't get me wrong, we're not talking Fatal Attraction here, but since my father has chosen me as his source for guidance and comfort through this ordeal, I've had a front row seat to the really unpleasant process of divorce. I don't mind being there for my Father, and I'm flattered that he's picked me to be his confidant, but the residual effects of listening to and counseling someone who's dealing with the overwhelming emotions that divorce brings, can really start to wear on your own outlook on life.... if you let it.
Also, my Grandmother (Mammy) has been in and out of the hospital for the past few months and she is fighting hard to stay alive. She was diagnosed with MS seventeen years ago, and they told her she had five years to live. Well, seventeen years later her strength, resolve and willingness to survive no matter what, is starting to fade. I can't describe to you how much of an effect this has had on my thoughts over the past few weeks.
Most people know that I have a really bad habit (or it could be a good habit if you think about it) of over analyzing everything. I can't help it, it's genetic. I get it from my Father. Which, now that I think about it, might explain why he's having such a tough time with his divorce. Anyway....whatever.
So, over the last few weeks in my analyzation of the issues in my personal life, along with some outside influences on my thoughts (like watching a close friend of mine lose his father to an unexpected heart attack and reading along with Abby Maddox's fascinating internal struggles after the loss of her Mother), I've come to a very troubling realization...
I'm no longer the "dependant" and I am inching ever closer to becoming the "depended on". I have reached the point in my life where my loved ones are beginning to depend on me more than I depend on them. And this is some really heavy stuff for a self-proclaimed over analyzer to deal with.
That realization, along with some of the books I've recently finished and being able to keep up with Stewart's journey of a lifetime, has in turn lead me to another realization:
I'm quickly running out of time to do the things that I've always dreamed of doing. Life moves on, whether you accomplish those things that make you complete as a person or not. You will die, that is inevitable. The question is, will you die having done all of those fantastic things that you've dreamed about, or will you die wishing you would have taken that chance when you had it?
Now I realize that the above statement is something that you've heard a million times before, from a million different people. But let me tell you, when the realness of that statement hits you across the head like a ton of bricks, you will know it. If it hasn't yet, your time is coming. If it has, then kudos to you, because that means you are somewhere right now having lived out that dream. I'm certain of that because, if it hits you like it hit me, there's no way to ignore it.
Having said all of that, I wanted to let everyone know that I am officially changing the name of this blog to "Keeping up with a dream.."
I will now be blogging about the life of a man who's tasked himself with making his dreams a reality. To get all of those things out of life that I've always wanted.
Now I'm not planning some year-long South American adventure (although I haven't ruled that out), but I'm currently working on a project that is going to change my life forever, good or bad. If it's good, it's going to be really good. If it's bad, so what. I'll figure it out when I get there.
For reason's that will be more clear at a later time, I can't share too much right now about the nature of the business, but those of you who know me well, know what I've always dreamed of doing and it's time to do it. For those of you who don't know me that well (or at all), stay tuned...
Moral of the story:
Carpe Diem....Indeed!
